Writer, Editor, Somewhat Useless

DJs are Ugly

Besides a few pretty boys, like Xavier de Rosnay of Justice (above) and DatA, a majority of the men behind the decks are hard on the eyes and dress no better. This makes sense: They obviously love being in the club but are too aesthetically handicapped to enjoy it as normal party-goers, so instead they hide in the shadows of the DJ booth. Also, who else but a hideous recluse is going to spend hundreds of hours in a dark bedroom fiddling with Ableton or Fruityloops to produce tracks?

Lucky for these guys, DJs have become the new rock stars, packing venues, drowning in drugs and alcohol, and struggling to keep coked up 9s from breaking their dicks. But without their new-found fame, how would these guys ever get laid?

Boys Noize

He may be one of the foremost electro producers at the moment, but that unibrow makes him look like a Hungarian grandmother. How can you be gay enough to regularly rock neon but not groom that caterpillar off your forehead?

Fake Blood

What is with that fucking hat? He looks like a back-up dancer for Britney Spears. Le’s not even talk about that metallic zit of a nose piercing.

The Bloody Beetroots

There’s a reason why they wear masks and it isn’t because they’re diehard Spiderman fans.


Didn’t I say DJs are the new rock stars? These two have got that Mick Jagger / Keith Richards vibe right down to the melting faces. It’s a time-tested look that guarantees poon — granted you have tons of money, booze and drugs.

Le Castle Vania

With that bleach blond and black hair, lip piercing and what’s apparently his little sister’s wardrobe, Le Castle Vania’s appeal would normally be confined to Hot Topic employees. Wait, he’s from Atlanta? How is he still alive?!

Hot Lady DJs

Chicks are the exception to this trend of ugly DJs. The rule with them seems to be that they must be banging. Look:

Princess Superstar

CJ Milli

Heidi Cannon of !Trash Yourself

P.S. No homo.

Originally published on Street Carnage.

1 Comment

  1. ChronologiC

    03.07.12 at 11:02 AM

    Let’s not forget DJ Rap, probably the hottest female DJ around.

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